Since Comedy on Long was launched at the newly renovated Zula Bar on 98 Long Street in Cape Town, it has become a really popular destination for people looking for a good night out. It has grown a loyal following of comedy lovers who have supported Comedy on Long since the beginning. This February we are very lucky because we have Martin Davis hosting the whole month and on Monday, 6th February 2012 Comedy on Long has a line-up of good comedians including:

Deep Fried Man (Winner of the 2011 “Best Newcomer” at the SA Comics Choice Awards)

Kurt Langeveld

Paul Snodgrass (“I’m so Lonely”)

Tracy Klass (“Klass Act”)

Gary McCool (2 Oceansvibe Radio)

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“I know this is belated, but as in the case of birthday wishes, you gotta take it (albeit begrudgingly at times).

So I see you tried to lead by example, even if it was (failed) Pied Piper style, cause ain’t no SA Comedians drowning cause of you, most being Black, they know better than to approach water. So much to say, clocks ticking (as are characters), therefore I’ll streamline this for you:

DUDE, like WHAAAAAAT???

Am I an avid LNN viewer, popcorn warmed, Alarm on, friends and girlfriend ditched (favourite chilling, rip-torn boxers worn and best position on couch re-discovered) in support, and if I could pause and be so bold, it’s so far from my cup of tea, when swallowed it tastes like Stroh Rum (WOW, haven’t indulged in that for … like … EVA!).

but back to the matter at hand, because if left to my own devices, you’ll find me suckling at the titties in no time (see, it’s already begun). What you have so impressively managed to do, besides look like a “Hit-seeking Imbecile” (so close, but doesn’t REEEEALLY rhyme with missile does it?) is forget to illustrate that you have a clear understanding of the man’s mission (one he is completing with Bond-like, Hunt-inspired perfection) and that is to give the people (yes, we aren’t all on the small screen to ensure that you’re entertained, oh opinionated, ill-informed one). That humour you speak of would be lost on THE MAJORITY of people who ensure that you see another Season (because unlike America, we have 11 different national languages, our own way of ubuntu-inspired life-Kasi living, we think differently, our own specific brand of music and a whole lot more differences-probably not up to your gold-plated-carrot-up-your-YIIIIIIIIIIIP- that’s right ash! (ooops, why no spell check Chief?) that make this country so freaking great (as opposed to your Obese-mecca for the loud, which I’m sure you’re more suited for).

Unless you can ask your boss (YIIIIIIIP, took it there), to get some of his sponsors to seriously back those that literally swear off ‘Iyo, nice time, nice time!’ in the pursuit of laughs from ungrateful ingrates who have no appreciation for the depths these men dive to hoping to resurface with any form of repeatable and respectable, with a side order of longevity, income to allow them to ‘splash out’ and maybe eat at Ocean Basket (YIIIIIIIIIP, it’s that dire) once in a while, you need to watch your freaky deaky words Boet (Aaaaaah, written aggression can be achieved with such ease, unlike long-lasting success stories in the Comedy Industry (forget Wally, where’s Vlismas?).

Having ditched that particular world, for the sake of more sobriety and actual income that would make a mother proud as opposed to bringing her out of retirement to take her of her ‘sweet little son that’s a bitch).

I had so much more to say, but alas, the fact that you’ll probably never read this because it’s served it’s purpose when sent out (and what a rise you got, several other blogs, Tweets, like a certain pizza, The Works) and that you’ll probably never read this, being the know-it-all “OMG, look at this Oak….Hello, oh hey 2011, yeah, I think he misses you too” (Use it, it’s on me, that’s right, at my expense).

NEVER compare your home country to others too, especially the US. immediate reader alienation and proof that while Loyiso is out there giving people what they want (the guy has a History of that, the crazy coot), you’ve got your sights set on the ‘Other’ box.

Total case of one so immersed in his 10 percentile way of life, he forgets that he makes up a small number (even though they own 90%) and E-TV is reaching those okes, not you chilling in Camps Bay, typing on your latest Mac, Gucci shades strategically placed in a manner that expresses that you’re fashionable, but it doesn’t define you, looking for that next philosophical debate to drop in your pieces to ensure that your peers are fully aware that: When it comes to know-it-all’s, your all know no boundaries at all!”

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Next week we have another fantastic line-up including: 4 open mics, Rustum August and Dylan Skews as headliner… Make sure that you book. For those of you who came to the comedy last night you will realise why booking is so important. Booking to: jen@zulabar.co.za

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World War Z

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMm4s1268to

Machine Gun Preacher

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eddnloOFjwY

Hotel Rwanda

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYwuXvA589A

Although I had a good jump start to my entertainment career at the age of 11 when I was a main anchor on the teen continuity program on SABC 2 Kidz Can. The show was on air for about two years and my involement in the series gave me the confidence to get more involved in drama at school. I auditioned and performed in every school play I could be involved in from final productions, house plays and the 2003 Wits Raps Festival (where myself and Ryan Smit won Drama Honours at Redhill High School for winning Best Original Script at the festival). My love for the stage pushed me towards stand up comedy. My passion for stand up comedy was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in the sense that it allowed me to still be able to perform on stage, while being able to maintain a day job but a curse in the sense that I love the comedy industry so much that I began running comedy gigs, booking other comedians for shows and corporate functions and in a sense, I helped a lot of other comedians with their career rather than focusing on my own.

In the time that I was doing stand up comedy, my cousin, Lehasa Moloi, started his acting career. In a very short period of time, Lehasa was in Isidingo and just recently had the role of PJ Luthuli in the movie Spud. It is amazing that in such a short period of time, my cousin landed such cool roles in the South African film and television industry, but I must admit, with the amount of talent in our family, I was not surprised. I was really lucky to have spent some time with him this past holiday here in Cape Town. It was interesting to see how people recognized him from his role in Spud and how people recognized me from the current Castle Lite Yeti advert that is flighting at the moment, but in all honesty, he did get more attention and deservedly so; I thought Spud was awesome, relatable and well produced.

So, this year holds a lot of promise for me, but it will require me to get off my ass and show the world what I can do. The hardest thing about the transition from school into the real world is that if you are talented at school, everyone knows and people will approach you with ideas and opportunities, in the real world no-one knows what you can do, so you need to show them how talented you are, prove to them that you are worth investing in, supporting and celebrating. This year I have to do just that… keep your eyes open and watch this space…

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The maestro behind classic anthems like “For an Angel”, “Words”, “Another Way”, “Beautiful Place” and “Forbidden Fruit” is set to rock the festival along with over 50 supporting national DJs and live acts. Dean Fuel, Headroom, Haezer, Niskerone, Broken Toy, Jason47, Digital Divas, Grimehouse and Marvin and many others will be keeping the party going all weekend.  The Gatecrasher Summer Music Festival is devoted to celebration, while also creating an alternate dance reality space for partygoers. The sizzling weekend will consist of jet-skis, paragliding; paintball, safe and secure camping, live saxophonist, percussionists and many other forms of entertainment. Key features include a meet and greet with Paul Van Dyk, three arenas including the massive Gatecrasher main arena, multiple VIP zones and a VIP Village. Cocktail and martini bars, swimming, quad biking, food market, massive turbo sound, lighting shows, aerialists, world-class sound and lighting production, chic décor and many other highlights add to the weekend’s celebrations. 

“Safety is paramount and Soundscape have made precaution for safe and secure parking for 5000 cars. Security, medical, fire and environmental personnel are on site as well as clean showers and toilets. The event is held in natural settings where everyone is bound by a common love of music, and can express their inner selves freely”, says Mark Abrahams, Director of Soundscape.Pre-booked weekend passes cost R280 for general entry and R350 for VIP, with ticket sales available at Computicket. Weekend passes at the door cost R300 for general entry and R400 for VIP. VIP ticket holders will have access to multiple VIP covered areas, including VIP staging for premium views of the Gatecrasher main stage. There is also an exclusive separate VIP entrance into the Gatecrasher Summer Music Festival. The VIP Village comprises of Bedouin tents, luxurious seating, stylish bars, amazing sound and state-of-the-art lighting. The VIP weekend pass plus food services are all included in the ticket price to the Gatecrasher Summer Music Festival.

Date: Saturday 4th & Sunday 5th February 2012 | Venue: D’Aria Wine Estate, Cape Town | Time: 2pm Saturday 4th Feb – Sunday 5th Feb 5pm | Cost( pre-booked)R280 General & R350 VIP (weekend pass) | Cost( at door) R300 General & R400 VIP (weekend pass) | Website: www.soundscape.co.za | Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/events/344822645544670/ | Directions: Take the Durban Road Turnoff on the N1, Immediate Left, Drive for 10 min (Passing Bellville Velodrome on your Right, then Willowbridge Mall), take a left at the T-Junction (D’Aria Wine Estate on your Immediate Left Thereafter)

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I cannot forget how amazing it felt to finally walk onto the stage at Centre Court, Emperors Palace that night. The audience was 4000 strong. All I could see ways a sea of bodies from the front of the stage to the back of the hall. I entered the stage with my comedy alter-ego, a character I have not yet given a name yet to and would like to evolve some more. I had them from “Hello”. I floated through my set like a seasoned yet slightly nervous comedian (and forgot to mention a few gags I had planned on saying, but it’s in those moments that an artist can see space for improvement).

After the whole show, I remember people shouting “Hey comedian, good job” and “hey, the funny man” and although I enjoyed those brief pockets of adoration, at the back of my mind I was still thinking “So this is what it feels like to be a comedian… maybe one day I will earn the title”. Since that day people had been calling me a comedian (and although I know I had not fully earned the title, I still enjoyed the feeling that it gave people as their faces would light up at the idea of you possibly making them laugh) It was addictive. I felt like a crack addict and like any drug addict, my addiction slowly became my downfall. The more I would call myself a comedian, the more people would expect me to make them laugh and ultimately the pressure to make people laugh would be so stressful that all I would want to do is hide away from the title of comedian.

Any real comedian, however, would have the ability to make someone laugh on command. It comes with the territory, but the reason that they would be able to handle any “hey-make-me-laugh-right-now” situation is because of their dedication to writing material on a daily basis, their experience in reading a crowd, their wealth of jokes stacked up in their comedy-cerebral-cortex, their mastering of comic timing, the love for wanting to make any and everyone laugh and a little dose of stroking their already inflated egos (and I don’t mean that in a bad way, because you need to have confidence and balls to make it big in an industry filled with so many haters)

After a while i figured I can’t hide away from this label of comedian that I know I do not deserve. I figured the only options available to me is to hide from the title or to try to embrace the title and the only way to embrace the title comedian is to invest as much time and effort into comedy as you would any other job. I started to watch more local comedy, I started to run comedy venues, I started to write some new material, I started hanging around other future “would be” comedians, feeding of their energy. The creative process of becoming a comedian is very exhilarating but can sometimes overshadow an entertainers ability to be able to make their art-form commercially viable. There are so many comedians who love the process more than the actual money side of things, which is all good and fair until that “comedian” faces the hardships that life my throw at you like marriage, children, crime, car payments, rent, medical aid, investments, car accidents etc…

I am not one of those “I-don’t-care-where-my-next-meal-comes-from” comedians, so I have always done comedy on the side and focused more energy on my day job in online media, but now 4 years down the line, I feel as if I am maybe 12 months away from graduating into a fully fledged comedian. The last few months have been a real roller coaster ride for me. This is the first month where my earnings from my comedy / entertainment side of things outweighed the income that get from my basic salary and commission from my online media sales.

Something very strange happens to you when you realise that you can actually make a living from something that you love so much. All of a sudden everything looks brighter, the grass is greener, that dude with the very bad breath doesn’t phase you any more… something happens inside of you that you can’t explain because you know very soon you will have to make the decision. Do I stay with my day job, do I focus on my biggest passion and dream or do I do both. This brings up the debate of Jack of all trades vs. Master of one. I have not made any rash or major changes as of yet. I think for now I will enjoy the fact that if needs be, I could survive on comedy alone (but one must not forget that we are in season for corporate bookings etc… so I must not think that I will be making the same dollar during off season)

All I can say is that right now I actually feel like a comedian. I am running regular comedy evenings at Zula Bar every Monday, I booked myself and two other comics a corporate comedy gig, I am the lead in the Castle Lite Yeti advert, I wrote a very cool no-holds-barred article for GQ magazine online, I just performed comedy at the 2011 SA Blogs Awards and I do the Trevor Noah voice for the ZA News Trevor Noah puppet. I feel good right now, the question is, can I keep this up… ‘course I can!

http://www.zanews.co.za/skits/2612/2011/12/13/

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvPxf3E4KCg

I only feature in the end of the second advert but loved the concept and it was great working with Carl:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkG9mew79vs

- Submitted by Chanel

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I like to think that a comedian is someone whose primary income comes from performing comedic services which include (and not limited to); comedy writing, comedy consulting, voice work, stand-up comedy, running comedy gigs, corporate comedy performances, comedy bookings, script writing, TV commercials, comedic plays… Although I have been involved in all of the above mentioned “comedic services” my main income does not come from comedy. In fact, although I may fall under both the Wiki-definition and have performed all of the above comedic services, I would still consider myself to be an entertainer / entepreneur.

I think that the term “comedian” should be earned. Over the past 4 years I have grown a very strong respect for the comedy industry and also realised that in some ways I had taken the industry for granted (Like most South Africans). I think I fell in love with the idea of being on a stage, getting all that attention, hopefully shagging a few groupies, making millions, becoming the CEO of some other cellphone network, buying a house in Malibu, touring the world, living in hotels and planes, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Katt Williams and Donald Trump… the good life. The reality is that the “good life” takes a lot of hard work.

If yuo think about any office job, you will realise that people go into the office and work for 8 hours a day. If you apply that to comedy, then any individual who considers themselves a comedian  should be doing 8 hours of work a day. This could include anything from writing, doing auditions, pitching for clients, meeting with an agent (Maybe GETTING AN AGENT), polishing material, watching comedy DVDs, research… anything that will better their craft. The sad reality is that almost 60% of people who call themselves comedians do not do the above activies for 8 hours a day. (You can probably tell that I just sucked that figure out of my ass… but it is an estimate I made up taking into consideration the “comedians” I know that have day jobs and those without).

I think that someone earns the title comedian through years of dedication and hard work. I do understand that some people are slightly more talented than others and could have a higher capacity to churn out good material in less time than 8 hours a day (or even 30 minutes a day). The reality is that even someone who is a so called “young, up and coming comedian” who has performed to over 25000 people live, performed all over South Africa for the past 4 years in festivals, on TV, corporate gigs and club gigs, I still do not think that I have quite earned the title of comedian.

I need to get writing again, I need to be churning out a new set a week. I need to be going to workshops with other comics, I need to find myself some sponsors, I need to re-invest in talent to such a point that I am earning enough money to cover my rent, petrol, food, entertainment and sundry monthly expenses purely on comedy money. I’m not saying that I will only be a comedian once my comedy earnings have earned my a place in Camps Bay and a Z4 (like Marc Lottering), I’m saying, the day that my comedy earnings replace my salary and commission, I am still an account executive who entertains people in his spare time.

We all need to wake the fuck up and start calling spades, spades! Do not live in a disillussioned world thinking that you can be protected by the word “comedian”. Earn the word, live the word, love the word… but more importantly, respect the word. One day I will be a comedian and the world will be better for it…