Posted on the March 17th, 2012 under Jokes by Mum-z
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn’t stand the curiosity.
He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you; but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
“My wife’s,” answered the man.
”What happened to her?” the curious man asked.
The man replied, “She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”
He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”
The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”
A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
“Can I borrow the dog?”
The man replied, “Get in line.”
- Submitted by Barry Varkel
Posted on the March 17th, 2012 under Jokes by Mum-z
A nice, respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I’d like to buy some cyanide.” The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
Posted on the March 17th, 2012 under Jokes by Mum-z
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all of the Jews in Italy had to convert to Catholicism or leave the country. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community; so, the Pope offered a deal: He’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; but, if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other:
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever … the Jews could stay in Italy.
Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, “First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God, common to both of our faiths.
Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The Rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show me that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and host to show that, through the perfect sacrifice, Jesus has atoned for our sins; but, the Rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the Original Sin.
He beat me at every move, and I could not continue.”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he’d won.
“I haven’t a clue,” said the Rabbi. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy; so, I gave him the finger.
Then, he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, but I told him emphatically that we were staying right here.”
“And, then what?” asked a woman.
“Who knows?” said the Rabbi. “He took out his lunch; so, I took out mine.”
Posted on the March 17th, 2012 under Jokes by Mum-z
A girl comes home with her boyfriend and tells her mom they going upstairs to her room. Then later her mom hears ” baby baby baby ohhhhh baby baby baby ohhhhh ” coming from the room. So her mom walks in asks what they’re doing. The girl shouts, “mom! Get out! We’re having sex” so the mom says, “oh, thank goodness, thought you were listening to Justin Bieber”
Posted on the February 29th, 2012 under Events by Mum-z
“Comedy on Long” is fast becoming one of the most popular comedy nights for both audience members and performers alike and because of this, the month of March is going to be action packed with great line-ups. Comedy on Long has hosted some of the best comedy nights and best comedians in South Africa and in Cape Town and Comedy on Long is definitely the premier spot for comedy on Cape Town’s infamous Long Street.
As you should know by now, Comedy on Long is a collaboration between Zula Bar (98 Long Street, Cape Town CBD) and www.mumz-the-word.com. The venue is one of Cape Town’s longest supporters of comedy, having hosted events over the past 6 years and in hopes that we can make this event the BEST REGULAR COMEDY NIGHT in Cape Town, we would hope that anyone who would like to make a table booking, that you book in advance with: jen@zulabar.co.za (if there are cancellations, please could you let us know so that we can allocate the available table seats to other customers)
DO YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS?
If you have any suggestions for “Comedy on Long” please could you send through an email to mumz.com(at)gmail.com with a subject line “Comedy on Long suggestions”. We would like to make sure that you are always happy, so your input is invaluable.
DO YOU WANT A DISCOUNT OR A CHANCE TO WIN PRIZES?
For those of you who would like to get discounted entrance and a chance to win prizes, make sure that you are part of the “Comedy on Long” membership.
DO YOU WANT TO PERFORM?
For all of you out there who think that you would like to perform at Comedy on Long, then please could you send through an email to mumz.com(at)gmail.com with subject line “Zula Bar Comedy”. (This includes those of you are first timers or experienced veterans of the comedy)
MARCH LINE-UP:
Host for the month: Paul Snodgrass
March 5th: Rob Van Vuuren, Tracy Klass, Martin Jonas
March 12th: KG, Stuart Taylor, Magicman,
March 19th: Piet Potgieter, Carl Webber, Peter Sserwanga
March 26th: Nik Rabinowitz, Mark Palmer, Bianca Clark, Werner Weber
Line-ups are subject to change…
In April, the fantastic Brendan Murray will be hosting “Comedy on Long”. Line-ups should be available mid March.
On of my favourite movies in the world is Training Day. I just love the way in which Denzel Washington delivers lines line “My man…”, “Gimme the bitch…” and “All that jelly, no toast”. Well for this particular blog post I am going to focus on the last line. As I am in the young stages of my career, I am always very excited when I get some media exposure.Obviously most people may not see the articles or TV interviews, so I just thought I would share some of my jell-o with you.
Recently I have had quite a lot of media exposure and what I realised in the real world is that if you don’t tell people good news in your life, they will never know, so I know this is going to be some border-line boasting / showing off right about now, but I just thought I would share with you some of the cool media exposure I have got of late (in reality, real fans of my work will want to see what other people think of me, so I kind of have to do this):
A few weeks back I was on the Expresso Show on SABC 3 as the guest presenter. (That was an amazing experience. The Expresso Team is very talented and extremely energetic – BIG UPS EXPRESSO)
So with all this media attention coming my way, the question still hangs in the air; “So what’s Mum-z planning for 2012?”
Well I am very lucky that this year started with a bit of a bang. Not only has the Castle Lite Yeti advert really good, but it is being played everywhere and almost every other day (so the exposure is really good for me). I also featured in a scene in the really good UK TV series Mad Dogs (season 3 – which is still being filmed so will only air much later) The series airs in South Africa, every Wednesday, 21h30 on BBC Entertainment (Don’t miss out on it… it’s really good)
At the moment, I am in JHB for 5 weeks shooting a new South African TV sitcom. I can’t tell you much about it now except that I am in it and that it is AWESOME…
When I get back to CPT, I will be focusing on “Comedy on Long” (Regular Monday comedy nights at Zula Bar, 9pm) and I will be focusing on my obligations at my day job at AVUSA MEDIA LIVE.
I am still working on the one-man show. It would be great if I could get the one man show ready for this year, but in all honesty, I am in no rush. I would rather give you all a one man show to remember than a rushed, out dated show…
Anyway, stay smiling and keep laughing… I’m out for now
Posted on the February 3rd, 2012 under Events by Mum-z
Since Comedy on Long was launched at the newly renovated Zula Bar on 98 Long Street in Cape Town, it has become a really popular destination for people looking for a good night out. It has grown a loyal following of comedy lovers who have supported Comedy on Long since the beginning. This February we are very lucky because we have Martin Davis hosting the whole month and on Monday, 6th February 2012 Comedy on Long has a line-up of good comedians including:
Deep Fried Man (Winner of the 2011 “Best Newcomer” at the SA Comics Choice Awards)
“I know this is belated, but as in the case of birthday wishes, you gotta take it (albeit begrudgingly at times).
So I see you tried to lead by example, even if it was (failed) Pied Piper style, cause ain’t no SA Comedians drowning cause of you, most being Black, they know better than to approach water. So much to say, clocks ticking (as are characters), therefore I’ll streamline this for you:
DUDE, like WHAAAAAAT???
Am I an avid LNN viewer, popcorn warmed, Alarm on, friends and girlfriend ditched (favourite chilling, rip-torn boxers worn and best position on couch re-discovered) in support, and if I could pause and be so bold, it’s so far from my cup of tea, when swallowed it tastes like Stroh Rum (WOW, haven’t indulged in that for … like … EVA!).
but back to the matter at hand, because if left to my own devices, you’ll find me suckling at the titties in no time (see, it’s already begun). What you have so impressively managed to do, besides look like a “Hit-seeking Imbecile” (so close, but doesn’t REEEEALLY rhyme with missile does it?) is forget to illustrate that you have a clear understanding of the man’s mission (one he is completing with Bond-like, Hunt-inspired perfection) and that is to give the people (yes, we aren’t all on the small screen to ensure that you’re entertained, oh opinionated, ill-informed one). That humour you speak of would be lost on THE MAJORITY of people who ensure that you see another Season (because unlike America, we have 11 different national languages, our own way of ubuntu-inspired life-Kasi living, we think differently, our own specific brand of music and a whole lot more differences-probably not up to your gold-plated-carrot-up-your-YIIIIIIIIIIIP- that’s right ash! (ooops, why no spell check Chief?) that make this country so freaking great (as opposed to your Obese-mecca for the loud, which I’m sure you’re more suited for).
Unless you can ask your boss (YIIIIIIIP, took it there), to get some of his sponsors to seriously back those that literally swear off ‘Iyo, nice time, nice time!’ in the pursuit of laughs from ungrateful ingrates who have no appreciation for the depths these men dive to hoping to resurface with any form of repeatable and respectable, with a side order of longevity, income to allow them to ‘splash out’ and maybe eat at Ocean Basket (YIIIIIIIIIP, it’s that dire) once in a while, you need to watch your freaky deaky words Boet (Aaaaaah, written aggression can be achieved with such ease, unlike long-lasting success stories in the Comedy Industry (forget Wally, where’s Vlismas?).
Having ditched that particular world, for the sake of more sobriety and actual income that would make a mother proud as opposed to bringing her out of retirement to take her of her ‘sweet little son that’s a bitch).
I had so much more to say, but alas, the fact that you’ll probably never read this because it’s served it’s purpose when sent out (and what a rise you got, several other blogs, Tweets, like a certain pizza, The Works) and that you’ll probably never read this, being the know-it-all “OMG, look at this Oak….Hello, oh hey 2011, yeah, I think he misses you too” (Use it, it’s on me, that’s right, at my expense).
NEVER compare your home country to others too, especially the US. immediate reader alienation and proof that while Loyiso is out there giving people what they want (the guy has a History of that, the crazy coot), you’ve got your sights set on the ‘Other’ box.
Total case of one so immersed in his 10 percentile way of life, he forgets that he makes up a small number (even though they own 90%) and E-TV is reaching those okes, not you chilling in Camps Bay, typing on your latest Mac, Gucci shades strategically placed in a manner that expresses that you’re fashionable, but it doesn’t define you, looking for that next philosophical debate to drop in your pieces to ensure that your peers are fully aware that: When it comes to know-it-all’s, your all know no boundaries at all!”
Posted on the January 17th, 2012 under Events by Mum-z
Comedy on Long last night at Zula Bar was fantastic. Having only been running for a few months now (since Mumz-The-Word took over the venue from the previous comedy crew) with a fully booked audience last night, it was definitely evident that the event has become the best Comedy event on Long Street.
Next week we have another fantastic line-up including: 4 open mics, Rustum August and Dylan Skews as headliner… Make sure that you book. For those of you who came to the comedy last night you will realise why booking is so important. Booking to: jen@zulabar.co.za
2012 has arrived. The New Year has began… the time has come. For what, you may ask, well it is time for me to kick my career into gear. I have always been talented in entertainment (and yes, I am blowing my own bloody horn) but I have had a tendency of being a specialist in procrastination. I think the basis for my procrastination was fear. I had always been over shadowed by my oldest brother Fana Mokoena who is one of South Africa’s top actors (He won Best Actor at the SAFTAs). He has been in so many movies, theatre productions and television shows both in South Africa and abroad. His most prolific characters to date in motion pictures includes General Augustin Bizumungu in 2004′s Hotel Rwanda and his role as John Garang in Machine Gun Preacher (which opens at Nu Metro cinemas on the 20th January 2012) but now he will act opposite Brad Pitt in the 2012 motion picture World War Z. Check out all the trailers below:
World War Z
Machine Gun Preacher
Hotel Rwanda
Although I had a good jump start to my entertainment career at the age of 11 when I was a main anchor on the teen continuity program on SABC 2 Kidz Can. The show was on air for about two years and my involement in the series gave me the confidence to get more involved in drama at school. I auditioned and performed in every school play I could be involved in from final productions, house plays and the 2003 Wits Raps Festival (where myself and Ryan Smit won Drama Honours at Redhill High School for winning Best Original Script at the festival). My love for the stage pushed me towards stand up comedy. My passion for stand up comedy was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in the sense that it allowed me to still be able to perform on stage, while being able to maintain a day job but a curse in the sense that I love the comedy industry so much that I began running comedy gigs, booking other comedians for shows and corporate functions and in a sense, I helped a lot of other comedians with their career rather than focusing on my own.
In the time that I was doing stand up comedy, my cousin, Lehasa Moloi, started his acting career. In a very short period of time, Lehasa was in Isidingo and just recently had the role of PJ Luthuli in the movie Spud. It is amazing that in such a short period of time, my cousin landed such cool roles in the South African film and television industry, but I must admit, with the amount of talent in our family, I was not surprised. I was really lucky to have spent some time with him this past holiday here in Cape Town. It was interesting to see how people recognized him from his role in Spud and how people recognized me from the current Castle Lite Yeti advert that is flighting at the moment, but in all honesty, he did get more attention and deservedly so; I thought Spud was awesome, relatable and well produced.
So, this year holds a lot of promise for me, but it will require me to get off my ass and show the world what I can do. The hardest thing about the transition from school into the real world is that if you are talented at school, everyone knows and people will approach you with ideas and opportunities, in the real world no-one knows what you can do, so you need to show them how talented you are, prove to them that you are worth investing in, supporting and celebrating. This year I have to do just that… keep your eyes open and watch this space…
Welcome to Mumz The Word (and no, this is not a real Facebook page). Let this site be your comedy playground. I will post articles of interest to the comedy industry and articles that are just generally funny. I would also like to encourage you guys to send through jokes that tickled you or made you hurl with unadulterated laughter.
Like
Welcome to Mumz The Word (and no, this is not a real Facebook page). Let this site be your comedy playground. I will post articles of interest to the comedy industry and articles that are just generally funny. I would also like to encourage you guys to send through jokes that tickled you or made you hurl with unadulterated laughter.
